Self-love- Embracing the Art of Saying "No" for Authentic Living

Establishing healthy boundaries is a crucial yet often overlooked aspect of self-love. This episode explores how saying no can liberate individuals from guilt and create space for true authenticity and positive relationships. 

• Emphasizing the importance of self-love and boundaries 
• Addressing societal pressures on women to overgive 
• Discussing the emotional burden of always saying yes 
• Advocating the right to prioritize personal needs 
• Encouraging gradual implementation of boundaries 
• Navigating relationships while setting boundaries 
• Purifying social circles from toxic individuals 
• Celebrating the beauty of living authentically

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Chapters

• 0:00 Healthy Boundaries
• 14:23 Living Truthfully

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello, salaam, peace be upon you wherever you are on this planet. Welcome back to a new episode of In Peace, where we come together to listen, to heal and to grow. And today's episode is continuing from last episodes, which is about the topic of self-love, recapping on how can we put self-love into practice. So we started last time we talked about by putting self-compassion into practice, a containing ourselves with all our um, full human nature, full human experience of a imperfections flows, a love it all, contain it all, accept it and create ways of building self-confidence through it all. Today we will talk about another way of putting self-love into and to practice, and this, this way, might not be the easiest way for some a, but it is important to, to make it a way of life, really to be able to live a true life, and this is keeping healthy boundaries. I know, as I said, this might be quote-unquote difficult, especially for women, and I don't mean that some men might not find it also difficult, but I know, let's face it, women are often expected to, to say yes to everything. Men have that and and, and surely they need this reminder of keeping healthy boundaries as part of practice and self-love a, but I'm aware in many societies. This is the expectations from women that they always need to keep giving and overgiving and overgiving, whether they're mothers, sisters, wives, workers. And because this is the nature, the feminine nature, we love to give, we love to aim to be able to give others, whether it's emotions or material things or time. It's built in the nature, but also sometimes the society. Pressure and expectations can make it worse. So it's all about finding balance and finding courage to love yourself. You shouldn't really need courage, but it does with with with some of the barriers that people build in society, but also and they're all minds a to put in boundaries. So, and some women sadly feel like, if they say no or not give, quote, unquote enough that they feel trapped in emotions of feeling guilty or shame at times. But today is the time to change this, if you're not already like started this as part of your healing. Today is the time and it is.

Speaker 1: 4:39

Having these healthy boundaries is at the heart of self-love and it's like an an ongoing purification, ongoing unfolding, because we can put some boundaries and then go back and and fall into not not doing that or saying yes when we, when we're deeply saying no. So it's an ongoing thing. So also it's important not to judge yourself if you fall into a overgiving of, or or being people pleasing at time, even if you went through that awareness of putting these boundaries, because we can fall into that and sometimes it's a pressure as well. So it is important to have also self-compassion within putting these healthy boundaries and and keep up with them. So it is time. It is time it is time to start from today that remembering that also, just as you give and I know you love giving you also like need to receive and be open to receiving support, and when you're over giving, you can't really, you can't really live a true life sometimes, because sometimes you might be given from lack or from pressure of expectations or the.

Speaker 1: 6:41

The typical thing of not having boundaries is to always, always, always say yes to everything, to every invite, to every like, every person who asks you for something you constantly fall into saying yes, even though you're deep inside your soul, is telling you no, like you're too tired, for example, to babysit tonight, or you can not really up for going to that whatever wedding or women's gathering. It's not really your vibe, but you're too embarrassed to say no or like, oh, what are they gonna think if I said no or blah blah, so just not, basically not putting yourself first, not putting your values first, not putting your needs first, just to please others. So you just say yes and go somewhere you don't want to go to or do something you don't want to do to please others. And that means like you have zero boundaries, you're and like all your needs are are not met and you're in constant doubt what you should do more to please more. But remember, you have the right to say no. You have the right to listen to your heart. You have the absolute right, if not even duty, to be true to yourself, to say no when you're tired or simply because you don't feel like it. And, more importantly, you don't need to justify yourself. You don't need to justify why. You get rid of all the feelings of guilt, of shame, of saying no.

Speaker 1: 9:12

And I know, to start with, it might not be easy or not the easiest, because I believe there is always ease and you can choose to to make it easy for yourself. But let's face it comes with challenges. So the best way of doing it is to do it gradually, start today, from today, and or try it whoever asks you for something and you don't really, you can't really help maybe, but you, you just push yourself and say, oh, I'll try, or I'll do it, or or no, just simply say, to be honest, I can't do it, or, to be honest, I can't come to that event, or or just simply because you can't, or you have other things, or you're simply just feeling like a you want to spend some time with yourself. Um, so, and try it, observe how you feel. You might start with feel some guilt or some shame, but just having the awareness of these and and say I know, this is my old self, this is what I'm used to do, but I'm purifying this, I'm choosing to be true to myself from today and I'm choosing to say no with ease, without shame, without anything, and this is what your mindset will be like. Your brain will hear this or I choose to say no with ease, and then will this is, will become, become your programming and it will be really easy.

Speaker 1: 11:08

Yes, some challenges will come with some relationships with people you have because they're used to you always saying no, always rushing to please them was rushing to please them. So again, that's one of the tests of putting boundaries, but again it can be two ways. So it'll be maybe a challenge for you. Love your peace, love you to be true to yourself. These will always stick around, they will always support you and they will never, ever judge you, whatever you say, whatever you do.

Speaker 1: 12:02

On the other, those who just have you in their circle for their own benefits. They might be really intimidated or offended even. But again, that will purify your life, your whole life, from them. You know we do have people around us. Social life is an important aspect of our life. But having, quote unquote, the wrong people or those who take advantage of you, it's not healthy for your life, it's not healthy for your life, it's not healthy for your healing. So it's again purifying your life of these kind of people and it will make space for those who understand, for those who understand, for those who respect your boundaries, for those who you respect and honor your self-love. So no regrets in any way. Keep your self-compassion in that journey, because it can be emotional, quote-unquote, losing, but there's no such thing as losing such people but because you got used to maybe having them around or it might be a bit of a challenge to start with, but then it'll get so much easier and you'll be grateful that it happened. So it's so important to have these healthy boundaries and it's so healthy. It becomes the new you, the new life that you have, the healthy a life.

Speaker 1: 14:18

And the most important thing of this part is that you win your truth.

Speaker 1: 14:23

You win yourself, because when you say no all the time, that means you're not really living a true life, you're not really truthful to yourself and you don't really want to lie to yourself. You don't really want to lie to yourself, you don't really want to live a fake life, even though you support all these values of truth and living truly. So that's, to me, the most important bit of putting boundaries is to be true to yourself. Having a true, truthful life is so beautiful and it becomes so easy once you do it. From that place of being truthful, truly, truly, truly truthful, and better people will come to your life who honor your self-love, who honor you and who honor your truth. At the end of this episode, I pray that you find ease in putting boundaries healthy boundaries in your life and find good connections, good surroundings, good people who always support you and accept you with your self-love and encourage you to love yourself more. Until I connect with you next time. I wish you all peace, health and salamat.